God – Musings of a "not so good" Christian

Denying Me

25/07/2019

For most of my life I have lived as if I am someone else. I have tried to live in a way that would keep people at a distance, keep from getting to know me too well. After all, it is hard to hide when you get too close to others. I did find, for … More Denying Me

September of Silence {D10}

11/09/2017

10 day into my social media fast… I have looked at Facebook several times I have looked at Twitter several times My justification is “at least I am not responding to posts and tweets.” I am deceiving myself. Just reading things sends my thoughts into so many directions. But when I am more focused… … More September of Silence {D10}

September of Silence

01/09/2017

Fear had told me that it would protect me and by hiding me I would be alright. … More September of Silence

Lost

12/09/2016

Do you know what it feels like to not to know who you are? Do you know what it feels like to live in fear of being discovered, of being wrong, of not measuring up to standards set by society? I do. I subjected myself to the whim of everyone. Yet, I was a failure … More Lost

The Burden Of…

16/05/2016

Recently it was brought to my attention that there is a “support group” the Buffalo NY area that is geared toward helping family and friends deal with “The Burden of ….” this particular issue. I find it fascinating that a religiously sponsored group can use the word “burden” to describe another group of people. I … More The Burden Of…

Alienation of the Heart

14/01/2016

I am sitting in front of my computer right now feeling a anxiety, a longing, a pressure on my chest. I want the words to describe the reasons for this, but they are slow in coming. Last night I cried to God. On one hand, I realized that I have been trying to find something … More Alienation of the Heart

My Journal

07/01/2016

Sadness, anger, doubt, loneliness, frustration, determination, failure, more failure, fear (much fear), pepper most of my entries. I have to admit I was somewhat taken aback at the depth of sadness weaving its way through some of my entries. … More My Journal

Why Unconditional Love Matters

16/12/2015

But the common practice was to pretend to be getting more spiritual by trying harder, and getting even more involved. … More Why Unconditional Love Matters

The Reality of My Unbelief

08/12/2015

As I move in the direction of life altering choice, I have been exposed to the reality of my unbelief as a believer. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart…and He will make your path clear.” God will make everything clear. That is what I have been taught throughout my Christian journey, over and … More The Reality of My Unbelief

Hard Choices.

01/12/2015

As I have traveled this faith journey, I have made some discoveries about myself. Among them has been the realization that I have made choices that have not always been in my best interest, and I have made other choices to protect my fragile heart and ego. I have made choices that have manipulated others … More Hard Choices.