For most of my life I have lived as if I am someone else. I have tried to live in a way that would keep people at a distance, keep from getting to know me too well. After all, it is hard to hide when you get too close to others.
I did find, for quite a long time, a place to hide because everyone else in that place was hiding also.
That place was the Evangelical church. Not only did it provide a place to hide but it allowed me to keep hating myself for who I truly was. It reaffirmed the ideas that I had that somehow I was broken, bad, degenerate, sinful.
I thought that I needed to to choose between following Jesus and being who I was created to be. . I spent so many years trying to “get healed,” and made so many descisions based on the assumption that if I lived like everyone else, I would become like everyone else.
I never became like “everyone else”.
Musings of a "not so good" Christian 
That is the sad reality of countless others who are walking in the same shoes. It’s hard to believe that that is the case even in 2019, but it is still the case. I know it is cliche’, but you are not alone… if that offers the slightest bit of consolation to you in your pain.
Thank you
I look forward to future posts and receiving the benefits of your gift of writing.