For most of my life I have lived as if I am someone else. I have tried to live in a way that would keep people at a distance, keep from getting to know me too well. After all, it is hard to hide when you get too close to others.
I did find, for quite a long time, a place to hide because everyone else in that place was hiding also.
That place was the Evangelical church. Not only did it provide a place to hide but it allowed me to keep hating myself for who I truly was. It reaffirmed the ideas that I had that somehow I was broken, bad, degenerate, sinful.
I thought that I needed to to choose between following Jesus and being who I was created to be. . I spent so many years trying to “get healed,” and made so many descisions based on the assumption that if I lived like everyone else, I would become like everyone else.
I never became like “everyone else”.