Wasting Life

I am 60

In October I will be 61 years old.

This week I have my one year  CT  scan to make sure the cancer has not returned.

I am feeling much regret. I regret not living life open and honest from the beginning when I first realized I was different. I regret lying to people for over 40 some years. I regret trying to “cure myself” by seeking to fit into “normal society” out of fear and rejection.

I regret many if the choices I have made in my life.

I regret wasting so much of my life.

3 thoughts on “Wasting Life

  1. Dabo Swinney coach of the Clemson football team talks of the windshield and a mirror in the car. He said the past is important but you only need a small mirror to look behind you as it is past. It may be important but it is the past and nothing can be done about it. Now look forward and there is a wi ndshield to look out of that is big and has our future in it. Besides looming I. The mirror all the time will lead to death….

  2. Hello Mark,
    I am 62. When I read this post I saw some of me, my past self as realizations of age and remaining time on earth began to enter my thinking. I have had so many regrets. The demons that bring “thoughts” that terrorize we humans are constantly working. What I have learned is to see and discern when thoughts come to mind, where are they from, what is the purpose. I think many thoughts are a lie. Something happened to humans in Adam when he chose rebellion. He began to believe thoughts that came from that “knowledge of good and evil”. All that he thought was a lie. “Who told you that you are naked?” A liar, THE liar told him. Adam thought, “I’m naked, that is evil…I’ll hide, that is good. Good and evil now ruled his mind and THAT is the lie. Sadly that is also us inheriting the new way of life…carnality. Knowledge from that tree can never produce life, only carnality that defeats us.

    Because we have been gifted with the spirit of truth, we can see the lies. It takes some retraining of the mind but we can cast away the lying thoughts that create bondage and set our mind on the eternals where Father Elohim, our God, dwells. Taking thoughts captive to obedience in Messiah Christ. Setting our minds on things above.

    It is there that you we can dwell in peace, without regrets or self condemnation, free from what that knowledge is saying to us. This does not deny the evil we have done, it sets us free from the power of it. Let faith arise.

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