I am 60 In October I will be 61 years old. This week I have my one year CT scan to make sure the cancer has not returned. I am feeling much regret. I regret not living life open and honest from the beginning when I first realized I was different. I regret lying to … More Wasting Life
For most of my life I have lived as if I am someone else. I have tried to live in a way that would keep people at a distance, keep from getting to know me too well. After all, it is hard to hide when you get too close to others. I did find, for … More Denying Me
This is the journey that I have been putting off for many years. … More the journey
10 day into my social media fast… I have looked at Facebook several times I have looked at Twitter several times My justification is “at least I am not responding to posts and tweets.” I am deceiving myself. Just reading things sends my thoughts into so many directions. But when I am more focused… … More September of Silence {D10}
Fear had told me that it would protect me and by hiding me I would be alright. … More September of Silence
Right now as I sit in this cafe, a multitude of feelings stir inside me I can physically sense them, and there is much in conflict. Below are a few of the more persistent. Anxiety… because almost nothing in my existence is as I imagined it to be. Truth be told, I never really … More Where I am
Do you know what it feels like to not to know who you are? Do you know what it feels like to live in fear of being discovered, of being wrong, of not measuring up to standards set by society? I do. I subjected myself to the whim of everyone. Yet, I was a failure … More Lost
As I entered my mid-late teen years my feelings of alienation from others in my school became intense and consuming. I grew to hate many of my contemporaries as nasty, shallow, and repulsive. … More Hide
As I grew older, time in my forest sanctuary became more limited so I needed to find other ways to hide. I became a master introvert, an expert at building a strong, sturdy facade. … More Loneliness
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