I am 60 In October I will be 61 years old. This week I have my one year CT scan to make sure the cancer has not returned. I am feeling much regret. I regret not living life open and honest from the beginning when I first realized I was different. I regret lying to … More Wasting Life
For most of my life I have lived as if I am someone else. I have tried to live in a way that would keep people at a distance, keep from getting to know me too well. After all, it is hard to hide when you get too close to others. I did find, for … More Denying Me
10 day into my social media fast… I have looked at Facebook several times I have looked at Twitter several times My justification is “at least I am not responding to posts and tweets.” I am deceiving myself. Just reading things sends my thoughts into so many directions. But when I am more focused… … More September of Silence {D10}
Fear had told me that it would protect me and by hiding me I would be alright. … More September of Silence
This is how I feel most days. I am an observer. I stand on the outside of a thick windowpane. I see life moving forward and people connecting. I see joy, laughter, peace, and contentment. I behold worshipers connecting with their God, singing their songs of praise and adoration, raising their hands in prayer. I … More Looking In
In 2016 I will have been out of high school for 40 years. Yet in spite of the decades that have seemingly flew by, the residual effects of those years continue to manifest themselves in my life. As I had mentioned last time, fear has been a lifelong companion. It has colored relationships, work, education, … More Bullied Into The Wilderness
God is silent. My few and futile prayers blown away by cold, winter wind. Never reaching the gilded throne room of my Creator. Do I know that He is there? Of course…most of the time. Have I abandoned by faith? No….but I admit that there is only a little of it. Almost eleven months ago I lost my … More Silent
I have been thinking a lot about death the last couple of weeks. I have seen first hand how it creeps in and slowly robs vitality, strength, and independence from someone. Like the mythical vampire it sucks away youth and eventually life. Cruelly and without mercy it brings pain and destruction. It works the same … More Called To Bring Dead Things To Life
Perhaps it is because I am on a Augusten Burroughs reading frenzy. Perhaps it is because I am out of work, and have a lot of time to ruminate. Perhaps it is because if I don’t do something with all the conflict and angst within me, my head will explode. Perhaps it is part of my … More My Not So Wonderful Life
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