fear – Musings of a "not so good" Christian

I’m Baaaaaaaaack!

22/11/2018

“You have a nodule in your lung.” my doctor commented after a routine chest x-ray revealed a shadow. “Not to worry though, many people have scar tissue in their lungs.” Thus began a eight month journey that I had never expected at the beginning of 2018. Needless to say, I was somewhat anxious but I … More I’m Baaaaaaaaack!

Where I am

10/07/2017

Right now as I sit in this cafe, a multitude of feelings stir inside me I can physically sense them, and there is much in conflict. Below are a few of the more persistent. Anxiety… because almost nothing in my existence is as I imagined it to be. Truth be told, I never really … More Where I am

Lost

12/09/2016

Do you know what it feels like to not to know who you are? Do you know what it feels like to live in fear of being discovered, of being wrong, of not measuring up to standards set by society? I do. I subjected myself to the whim of everyone. Yet, I was a failure … More Lost

Words

22/08/2016

There is an idiom that is still popular today. “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” I cannot number the times I have heard this. But it is not true. Names, words, can and do hurt. In fact they can destroy a person emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, and in … More Words

My Journal

07/01/2016

Sadness, anger, doubt, loneliness, frustration, determination, failure, more failure, fear (much fear), pepper most of my entries. I have to admit I was somewhat taken aback at the depth of sadness weaving its way through some of my entries. … More My Journal

Hard Choices.

01/12/2015

As I have traveled this faith journey, I have made some discoveries about myself. Among them has been the realization that I have made choices that have not always been in my best interest, and I have made other choices to protect my fragile heart and ego. I have made choices that have manipulated others … More Hard Choices.

Bullied Into The Wilderness

30/07/2015

In 2016 I will have been out of high school for 40 years. Yet in spite of the decades that have seemingly flew by, the residual effects of those years continue to manifest themselves in my life. As I had mentioned last time, fear has been a lifelong companion. It has colored relationships, work, education, … More Bullied Into The Wilderness

Fear, The Great Unmotivator

22/07/2015

I remember very little from my childhood, and the things that I do remember usually have some negative emotion attached to them. Here is a brief list of the things I feared as a child… Spiders, having fallen face first into a orb spider web, Abandonment, every time I heard my parents argue I thought … More Fear, The Great Unmotivator

Prison Cell of Fear (A Personal Glimpse)

09/06/2014

The young man walked down the quiet tree-lined side street toward the college he attended. As he rounded the corner onto a busy thoroughfare he noticed about half a block away, on the same side of the street as he, several construction men working on the overpass he needed to cross. Instantly, the young man … More Prison Cell of Fear (A Personal Glimpse)

The Things We Want To Say

29/04/2014

I am not sure that there is anyone else ever feels this way, but I must share it to decrease the palpable weight upon my soul. As I sit here thinking about how to write this, my mind races with confusion and, yes fear. You can be around many people every day.. You can have … More The Things We Want To Say