Do you know what it feels like to not to know who you are? Do you know what it feels like to live in fear of being discovered, of being wrong, of not measuring up to standards set by society? I do. I subjected myself to the whim of everyone. Yet, I was a failure … More Lost
As I entered my mid-late teen years my feelings of alienation from others in my school became intense and consuming. I grew to hate many of my contemporaries as nasty, shallow, and repulsive. … More Hide
As I grew older, time in my forest sanctuary became more limited so I needed to find other ways to hide. I became a master introvert, an expert at building a strong, sturdy facade. … More Loneliness
Here are three lists… The first is what the church (the more conservative Protestant and Catholic, focuses on… The second is what I think God focuses on… The Third is where this blog is going and what I will focus on.. THE CHURCH FOCUS Abortion Supporting LGBT discrimination Supporting gun rights Supporting the death penalty … More What We Focus On
I am sitting in front of my computer right now feeling a anxiety, a longing, a pressure on my chest. I want the words to describe the reasons for this, but they are slow in coming. Last night I cried to God. On one hand, I realized that I have been trying to find something … More Alienation of the Heart
Sadness, anger, doubt, loneliness, frustration, determination, failure, more failure, fear (much fear), pepper most of my entries. I have to admit I was somewhat taken aback at the depth of sadness weaving its way through some of my entries. … More My Journal
As I move in the direction of life altering choice, I have been exposed to the reality of my unbelief as a believer. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart…and He will make your path clear.” God will make everything clear. That is what I have been taught throughout my Christian journey, over and … More The Reality of My Unbelief
During my last visit with my Spiritual Director we reviewed the “homework” he had given to me the previous time we had met. That homework was to think about and bring a list of all the negative traits and habits that I have in my life. I was not really wanting to explore this part … More Becoming…
I have decided to take a month or so off from most some social media. I would love to say that I have been successful in eliminating Facebook and Twitter since the 1st of September but that would be a lie. Some addictions are hard to master. But as of today I have drastically cut … More Dusty Bones
I am 56. At this point in life I should be pretty well established in a career, in friendships, in purpose. i should be anticipating retirement in a few years. In essence, I should know who I am. But…I don’t. So much of my life has been spent “trying to become”. Whether it was a better … More Wandering
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