I have decided to take a month or so off from most some social media. I would love to say that I have been successful in eliminating Facebook and Twitter since the 1st of September but that would be a lie. Some addictions are hard to master. But as of today I have drastically cut back on using them,
Perhaps you are wondering why? Well mainly it is because these “windows to the world” have become a distraction to me these days, It is easy for me to get wrapped up in the latest political stunt of an arrogant blowhard or the stupidity of some of those who call themselves “Christian”. In doing so I do not have to think about me, the issues that I should be dealing with, and the direction God may be giving me.
For a long time now I have been drifting in my life, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Floating along on the current of television, and the internet is easy. Putting things off through procrastination has become art form for me. I have had many years to develop and hone this skill to where most of the time it is subconscious. Underlying all this is the constant companion of fear who works to get me off track by filling my mind with catastrophic thinking every time I begin to think of getting out of my rut.
But I am tired of it. The other day as I was writing in my occasional journal (a journal I have inconsistently written in over the last 5 years), a thought came to me. If I look back through the last five years of writing I would find that I have been struggling, falling, getting back up, inspired to try again only to fall, wallow in self-pity, whine to God about how bad life is, then do nothing, So as I was writing again about struggling, asking the Creator for direction, wisdom, strength, mercy, and grace, I stopped writing suddenly realizing that all those things have been given to me, All the things I have been begging for have been given as a gift and sown into my heart and spirit. What I needed to do is begin to take action.
A few days after that, I was reading this from the book of Ezekiel…
“And He said to me, “son of man can these bones live?’ And I answered and said, “O, Lord God, You know.”
My life has been a field full of dry bones. The dry bones of unfulfilled dreams, desires, hopes, talents, abilities, self-worth, and relationships. It was as if God was saying look at your life, Do you see any hope of resurrection, renewal, a rebirth. And frankly, like the prophet Ezekiel all I could say to Him was, “Only you know the answer to that.”
If you read through the rest of that passage, Ezekiel speaks over the valley of death and God breathes life back into the bones so that they are put back together and stand up. It was as if He was telling me to listen to Him and do something because He, Himself, was going to put me back on my feet. Once I embrace the idea that it is God that will breath new life into my soul, that He will bring it all about, I do not need to fear. Yes, I do not know the outcome, nor the trajectory of the rest of my life. But if I truly hope in the God would loves me without condition, the paralysis of being afraid should end,.
This gives me hope. I wish I could share with intimacy the struggles I have had over the last few decades, and perhaps some day i can be more forthright. Suffice to say, I will continue (somewhat imperfectly) with my media/internet fast in the hope of restoration and healing,
Please keep me in your prayers and thoughts as I embark on this leg of my spiritual journey.