Musings of a "not so good" Christian

A friend of mine told me yesterday that I need to take care of myself. This after about 50 minutes of complaining to him about the church. my job, my family life, and my life in general. In each of the situations he asked me what I am going to do to change things. and honestly I didn’t know.

A little background…

I have been involved in “the church” for over 33 years and let me tell you there is a lot that goes on behind the scenes in those pastor/elder/deacon meetings. There is also a lack of anything going on the pews when it comes to the real Gospel. So over the years, I have thought it was my mission to try to fix the church. That can get exhausting.

Second, I have been in the field of counseling/social services for a good 15 years now, and I have seen and heard things that, well, would shock the average person and give cardiac arrest to the average churchgoers.  During this time I have learned that while there are many people in need of  social services, there are some that really and truly do take advantage of these services and the people who are trying to help them.  Over the last six months I have begun to think that maybe the Republicans are right (ok, not really!). But my heart has become a bit jaded and little less compassionate.  I discovered am trying to do more for people that they are really willing to attempt to do for themselves, feeling as if I am somehow responsible for their well-being. That can get overwhelming.

Finally, there is a lot of things going on within my own family. Issues from all corners, including issues from within myself that I have come to terms with, yet at this point feel stuck. Trying to have all the answers and also be “on” can be draining emotionally and physically.

So there you have it…

I am exhausted, overwhelmed and emotionally and physically drained. And I feel that I am of no help to anyone.

But, my internal critic says to me, “Aren’t you being a wee bit selfish talking about you with so many issues going on in those circles in which you reside? Aren’t you suppose to be strong in the Lord, mount up on wings of eagles, cast all your care on Him, trust Him to supply and provide all of your needs in Christ Jesus? Doesn’t this self-absorbed attitude show a lack of faith? Doesn’t God want you to focus on others?

So for a long time my inner critic has had my ear.

But yesterday a wonderful friend gave me permission to stop listening to my critic, and start to focus on restoring my heart, my soul, my compassion, and my connection with the Creator.

And that is what I am going to do.

Thank you my dear friend, you have kept hope alive in me.