About Sex?

Recently…as in the last post, someone commented, (and for the life of me I cannot find it, and I didn’t delete it), that the only reason gay people want marriage to include them is so that it legitimizes their sexual activity. In other words is it only about sex.

Not love.

Apparently, a gay couple is incapable of the same love shared by straight couples.

This leads me to despair that we have so demonized the LGBT community that we, the church, can deny them the ability to have the same feelings the rest of humanity experiences. So that makes gay people less than fully human.

So what do straight couples share? Well the healthy couples share emotional and psychological intimacy, along with physical intimacy. They put the other person ahead of their needs, and desires, and seek the good of the other. They encourage each other to grow intellectually, spiritually, and relationally. They support each other, and walk with each other through emotional and physical pain. They always have time to listen, and care. They communicate with each other on a deep and intimate level, unafraid of sharing their hurts, and concerns.  Their oneness grows stronger throughout their lives together. They are each others best friends.

That is what a healthy straight relationship looks like.

It is also what a healthy gay/lesbian relationship look like also.

It is not just about sex.



15 thoughts on “About Sex?

  1. I’m going along with Drew on this one. That is a dumb thing to say. The only people tempted to marry just to have sex are straight Christian boys based on 1 Corinthians 7:9 “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” [NIV]

  2. yes, we often say things about those we consider our enemies or those who are against us like, “they don’t respect life like we do.,” “love means something different to them.” “They don’t hold the Bible in high regards like we do.”
    Sad how we paint the picture of those who disagree with us or are against us as beings who are not as “good” “loving” “intelligent” or “spiritual” as we are.
    I am wondering how degrading those who disagree with us and those who are our enemies lives out the greatest commandments.

  3. I love this. And likewise I hate the de-humanizing approach taken toward the LGBTQ community by the church and others. We’re human! Why should we not be able to express and experience love like all the rest?

    1. The problem I see within evangelicalism is that many of us say that we “love” all people and that we just hate the sin that they are committing. In fact I have had a fundamentalist Baptist pastor(friend?) tell me in all seriousness that he does not hate anyone. But to listen to him speak about the LGBT community you would have a hard time believing that. And it is easy to hate a group and removing the human element from them. This is what has happened in regard to the interaction the church has with the gay community.

      Not really sure how to turn that around. It is very sad.

  4. May I add that there are just as many unhealthy straight relationships as gay. And how many straight people marry for all the right reasons and not just sex and lust that they have confused with love!?!

  5. Totally agree, Mark
    I know a few friends who just happen to be gay.
    Their love for each other is just as real, as any other living person.
    …and sometimes my friends are more able to understand those who feel unimportant or small, simply because they, too, have been hurt or made to feel they do not matter.
    In God’s eyes we all matter and are loved
    Sex in any loving relationship is the icing on the cake!

    1. Thank you for your comment, and I have to agree with you that sometimes the most compassionate individuals are those who have gone through rejection and hurt.

      All of us matter to God. All of use are His creations. Christians should be at the forefront of making sure all people matter.

  6. To me it is always about rights, I don’t care what the church has to say about my relationship but unfortunatly in this country the the church/state line is often crossed… How dare you have a say in what i do in my home with whom I choose…I am afraid i live in Florida and if something were to happen to my partner I have little say up against his children who are next of kin…call it a union and drop the F’n word marriage

    1. Florida is just one of the staes that fail to see that they are denying civil rights to Americans.You are so correct that the church has no business fornicating with the state, they are separate entities, yet have been sharing the same bed since the early 1970’s and it has done great damage to both.

      If calling it a “union” would garantee the same rights for gay/lesbian individuals, then I would be all for it.

  7. Opps, had a typo on the link above. Correct link appears below. Apologies for the confusion.

    As irony (or providence) would have it, I blogged on this very topic just today. In light of your post above, I suspect you’ll find the post of particular interest and relevance. Feel free to surf the “Archives” page as well for other related posts.

    -Alex Haiken

    1. Thank you Alex for your response and link to your page. I have just read a couple of your posts and I love them. I am going to spend a bit of time there reading more.

      I would like to do a bit more collaboration too if you find yourself interested.

      Peace to you,
      Mark Lee

  8. Take out the orientation adjective. “This is what a healthy relationship looks like.” We all should be concentrating on that.

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