How (not)To Love Like Jesus

In these end times of apostasy and heretical thoughts swirling around the idea of what it really means love like Jesus, here are a few examples that give a good understanding of what Jesus meant when He said to love unconditionally. Mind you some of them may seem harsh, but as the old pagan song states, “Love Hurts” (the only other good thing to come out of Nazareth).

Accuse your Christian friend, of backsliding, or being out of the will of God because he/she has become a Democrat and de-friend them on Facebook because “what fellowship has light with darkness.”

Use a passage like, “if a person does not take care of their own family they are worse than an infidel” to accuse stay-at-home dads of not being the Rambo Jesus God created them to be. Also ridicule men in the congregation that act kind of “girl-ie” by letting them know that Jesus was a tobacco chewing, cattle rustling, crotch scratching manly man and He is not happy with them flitting around the stage when they lead worship.

Out of concern, put anyone that disagrees with the “leadership” under church discipline because they dared to speak against the Lord’s anointed.

Femi-Nazis, as the prophet Limbaugh calls them, have done great damage to women in the world, so to rectify that, make sure women in the church know their place and submit to their husbands in all things. This lovingly directs them back to the place God created for them. Have them watch Season One of “19 Kids and Counting” for tips on how to be a better Christian woman.

Now when storming the gates of hell in the world use these loving ideas to lead people to Jesus.

Hand out “Chick Tracts” at large summer events. Make sure to give out as many as you can, even if people make fun of you. Jesus told us we would be persecuted. It also helps to look serious, plain, and even overdressed for those hot summer days. We want people to see the real Jesus and not be all loosey-goosey with our knees or elbows exposed.

When you go to picket Sodomite Pride Parade, follow the previous advise for dress, and it also helps if you take the only authorized Bible with you, the King James Version. Sodomites need to know that God is serious by addressing them in the King’s English. Many accuse us of hating them, but we do not hate anyone, we love them too much not to telleth them the truth.

It is ok to rant and rave at rallies against abortionists and the sluts (thanks again RL for allowing us to put this word back in the dictionary of Christianize) that have them, the homos, health care reform,  and why you favor the death penalty, as long as you keep telling people you love them but hate their sin. Wearing a tea-bag hat may also help you to get noticed.

Use this verse to justify your apathy for the needy…”if a man does not work, neither shall he eat.” And if a Liberal questions you about that, tell them that is it not really loving to give people food stamps, health care, or any other social services because they 1) will never improve if we just give them things or 2) use the quote that says something like “give a man a fish, feed him for a day, teach him to fish feed him for a lifetime” and then tell them it is not the government’s job but the churches job to “teach them to fish.”

This is just a brief list of “helps”. I hope that you find this useful in showing the world Jesus. I will continue to expand this list as I see the need.

9 thoughts on “How (not)To Love Like Jesus

  1. As a stay at home dad to three little girls who occasionally dance in the aisles (of the church you and I attend) while I’m playing the guitar on stage, your second “how (not) to” was particularly meaningful to me.

    Good stuff you’ve been writing here, Mark. I added your blog to my Google Reader a while back, but I don’t think I’d commented yet to let you know it. Keep it coming!

    1. Thank so much Matt…I appreciate your words here and I also appreciate your talent at church as well.

      There is so much that have become seen as “christian” in America, yet it is far, far removed from what the Bible really says.

      Peace to you,

  2. “Sodomites need to know that God is serious by addressing them in the King’s English.”

    This is a brilliant post and that sentence is hilariously awesome.

    Way to keep it real Mark!

  3. unfortunately many of the folks who actually need to read and understand this will not notice the parody aspect. I have actually been told with a straight face that King James is the only authorized bible before.

    1. Thank you David. I am afraid that you are right when it comes to some understanding this. I went to a service at a church once where the pastor stood up in the pulpit and stated that “not everyone that reads the NIV is going to hell, but a great number of them are.” I wanted to remind him, that not everyone that read that KJV is going to heaven either. But I was a guest in the church.

      I hope more people begin to see the Christian faith stripped of all it’s American baggage.

      Peace to you,

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