What if…those two words continue to bounce around in my head.
What if the Bible was only written by men?
What if the church is wrong?
What if prayer does nothing?
What if all religion is merely a creation of humans to ward off the fear of death with the promise of an afterlife?
What if we are only an evolutionary anomoly?
What if this life is all that there is?
What if?
I wonder to myself do any other people who claim to be Christian ever have those thoughts? If they did would they ever speak them? Is there a danger in letting those thoughts occupy space in our brains?
Is there a fear in church leadership that does not allow for these thoughts to be spoken because to do so might undermine the leaderships position and power?
Is there more concern among Church leadership to maintain the status quo rather than to risk losing members or, more importantly it seems among the ecclesiastical heads, a loss of money?
Here are a few more questions…these are really at the core of this quest for me.
What if the Bible actually is saying something more than what most Evangelical have been led to believe? Could a passage actually mean something other than the popular interpretaion that fits neatly with our theology?
Another question…
Could our view of God be less than who God really is? Could God be more glorious than we can even imagine? Could we as Christians be guilty of creating a god that fits our narrow understanding thus leading people away from the real God?
I think that it is possible. In fact I think that it happens everyday.
I think God is far more than an overweight preacher in an ill fitting pastel colored suit pontificating how his god speaks through him.
Next time I would like to look at the god made in the image of American Evangelicals.
Musings of a "not so good" Christian 
Hey–my suit fits!
Seriously, though, you are asking the right questions, and it is good that you are seeking.
You are right in suspecting the church. We are a sinful and fallen institution, and we don’t always tell the whole story. God can handle your questions, even if some of us other Christians can’t.
I have often times questioned Christianity and any beliefs. I have been judged for doing so by other Christians. I have learned to trust the questions though. Usually after I go through a season of doubt my faith is stronger.
Even if the Church was able to interpret the Scriptures 100% accurately, God would still be bigger than the picture we would have of Him. I believe Scripture gives us all we need for salvation–to begin us on the journey of discovering God. Some people don’t want to take the journey, they simply want to act as if they have arrived. Know God and you get Heaven. But what if the journey and the destination is God?
Living between two worlds is painful and dangerous. The broken world fights those who find healing and wishes to break them again. Those are healed are a threat to the broken. They make them uncomfortable. And so a Christian who is journeying towards healing will always cause those who are not to be uncomfortable. It is the lament of Jeremiah, the thorn of Paul, and the cross to bear.
You are such a heretic!! And I’ve never been more proud to call you friend!! What, did you tape record our last conversation or something? I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell for asking all those kinds of questions, I had hope for you, but now…. I’m not so sure. Thanks again, for being honest and having the courage to express your questions, don’t ever stop seeking the truth, even when that truth makes us(or others) uncomfortable! I hope you find what you’re looking for Mark! Hell, I hope I find it to, before its too late!!!
I continue to find that my relationship with God is where I find rest. For me, Christianity isn’t merely a matter of “faith in a religion/book/teaching” because Christianity represents my affection for God as I grow in my relationship with Him… as He mercifully reveals His heart for me. He is the Great Mystery who desires to be known by weak, broken, and struggling human hearts.
Mark,
Rich and I were just catching up on your blog. You are a gifted writer. This 25th day entry stuck a cord with us , we had/have the same unanswered questions hanging heavily over all of us here with Cameo’s death.
We were also moved by the following entries analogy of life.
I don’t have any answers, but I believe you “know” more and have a deeper understanding of God and life than most of the self proclaimed christian leaders. Don’t let them bring you down. Love you.
Lynn
thanks to both of you for your love, and thank you for your kind words too. You both are special to me!
there are no easy answers to why Cameo or for that matter Kimberly died. Maybe there are no answers. That is the hardest thing to realize sometimes. We want answers, we as humans crave to know. To not know makes us feel weak, and stupid, and even fearful. It makes us realize that, even as we live under the illusion of controlling our lives, we ultimately have no control.
So then we go to God and people who say they speak for Him give us glib and trite answers, because if they were to be honest they do not really KNOW either. Because all of our knowledge about God is equal to a we grains of sand on a mile long beach.
Thus this quest for a bit more clarity.
Oh to sit a t the feet of Jesus and let Him explain all these questions!!!! Can’t wait…but for know keep asking!!!!!!
LN